Thursday, May 17, 2012

A Fan's Thank You Letter To John Beck

This is a Dear John letter...well, more like a Dear John Beck thank Mr. Beck for helping the Washington Redskins land RGIII.


Dear John,

I would like to issue you, on behalf of the entire Redskins nation, a sincere thank you.  I know it was not your idea to get roped into the Shanahan’s evil scheme, but thank you for buying into it and playing your part well. 

The plan wouldn’t have worked without the public belief that you were indeed a starting NFL quarterback.  But convincing Redskins fans to believe some hype created by the organization was no problem.

But you must have thought that Dan Snyder and Bruce Allen were joking when they told you, “We want you to be the starting quarterback for the Washington Redskins.”  I mean come on!  

Had these “experts” in talent evaluation ever seen you play?  And before you could even question the idea, in walked the evil genius himself, Mike Shanahan, who revealed his Lex Luthorian plan. 

The Shanaplan was simple enough.  Have the quarterback throw the game without the quarterback trying to throw the game.  To achieve results, he needed the most non-threatening person to ever play the quarterback position.  

Someone who would feel bad for the cornerback every time he completed a throw.  Someone who would pass on the praise when he made a huge throw.  Someone you wouldn't mind your wife getting a ride home with.  

That someone Mr. Beck, was you. 

Being a “nice guy” was not enough.  You also needed to be confident in public.  That was the cornerstone of the plan, and you played it well.  

You didn’t even crack a smile when NFL analysts said, “Do you really think that you are a starting quarterback in this league?”  Brad Pitt probably wouldn't have been able to remain in character the way you did for as long as you did. 

So what did Dan Snyder promise you to be this guy?  Was it 3% of all RG3 merchandise sold?

And how did this plan get past your teammates?  As training camp finally got underway it became clear to everyone on the team that Rex Grossman was a better quarterback.  The feeling in the locker room seemed to be that the team would mutiny if Sexy Rexy didn’t start.   So how did Shanny pull it off?

In order to compete for one of the top picks in the draft, the team would have to win 5 games or less.  With Rex Grossman in there you never know, he randomly has good games that lead to wins.  We needed you, badly.  

And as the losses piled up you actually tried harder, which only made it seem more genuine and more soul sucking for the few players that were still fighting.  Bravo.

So I thank you.  I thank you for those three games you started.  I thank you for being the least threatening nondescript, not quite awful, but not quite average, quarterback to ever put on an NFL uniform.  Thank you for following the plan.


FC Kendrick 


Side-note: Also thanks to the Miami Dolphin organization, and specifically Jeff Ireland, for running a franchise so comically bad that that you drove Jeff Fisher to the Rams.  As Michael Lombardi pointed out on the BS repot no less than three times, Fisher and Shanny are buddy buddy, so kudos to the Dolphins for being even worse than we are.  

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