Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Possible Redskins Name Changes

Here are a few potential names that the Redskins could take should Dan Snyder ever decide to change the name:

Washington All-Skins

A way to insult everyone, no matter what the color of their skin.  We can have racial caricatures of EVERY race on the helmet to even things out.  Equality.

Washington No-Skins

Just take the current Redskins logo, remove the skin, and bam.  No longer racist.  Now just gross and morbid, kind of like the team's typical performance.  Plus the Cowboys fans calling them the Deadskins would be less of an insult.

Washington Warriors

Naming the team after a cool movie about street gangs would be cool.  So long as their logo was the roller skating guy with the switchblade.

Washington Ultimate Warriors

Much better BROTHER!

Washington Greenskins

Wait, what if aliens land on Earth.  Then we are talking a name change again in 20 years (or sooner...ooooooooh)

Washington Capitals

Maybe they'd make the playoffs more...but they still wouldn't win any series...

Friday, October 4, 2013

Pierre Garcon's Mom Dresses Him, Loses Game To Regis

Pierre Garcon was the special guest on "Crowd Goes Wild" a woefully wacky sports talk show on Fox Sports One.  Some of the highlights:

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Jason Whitlock Says Crazy Things About RG3

Jason Whitlock subbed in for Michael Wilbon on Pardon the Interuption, and he had some very interesting opinions about Robert Griffin III.  Either very interesting, or very "trying to make himself part of a news story".

On the second top story of the show (after Johnny Football) Tony & Whitlock discussed RG3 starting game 1.  This causes Whitlock to compare the Redskins QB to people like TO, Ocho Cinco, Tiger Woods and even Kim Kardashian.

It appears Whitlock is just name dropping random big names to create a shock, but here are some of the choice quotes anyways:

Monday, August 26, 2013

Junkies 2013 Summer Dress Party Recap

It was the biggest night of the summer.  The night of the annual Sports Junkies Summer Dress Party.  And needless to say, I was cised.

At around 5pm I went to Outback and ordered basically everything on the menu. This was designed to fill my stomach up before a night of endless drinking.  I wouldn't mention this part of the story but it literally "comes up" later.

Event Header photo from 106.7 The Fan

I arrived at the Clarendon Ballroom right at 7pm, walked up to the rooftop, and my jaw dropped.  Why?  Was the girl in the purple dress in front of me?  Was Chris Cooley hanging out?  Nope, there was another reason.

On both the left side and right side of the pathway to the rooftop bar, there was nothing but dudes.  It was like a scene from the Hitchcock movie The Birds, where all the crows are lined up around the playground on power wires.  Except the crows were bros, and the power lines were bar tables.  Waiting to attack the next girl who walked by in a sundress...

These dudes may have looked like donks, but they did avoid the hour long line that would start to form outside over the next few hours.

Luckily a few minutes later, the girl in the purple dress showed up, and once again I was cised (and not in the same way as in the beginning of the story if you know what I mean)

As time went on, the ladies began to show up, and next thing you knew the entire rooftop was jam packed with athletes, local celebrities, junkies listeners, and hotties in sundresses. I spent the night talking to Valdez about Mama Griz, trying to steal E-Wadd's date, heckling Cakes for playing his sound effects, and learning about seafoam from Tucker Barns.

Me and DC Sports Bog, he introduced me to everyone mentioning
this crappy website, and it was embarrassing.

It was a typical fun Junkies event.  Zings were flying all over the place.  At one point in the men's room a guy said that he didn't want to use the urinal, and he wanted to use a stall.  This was my opportunity.  "What's up Dante STALLworth!" Someone said "good zing" and so my night was made.

There were so many cool people there that I forgot to holler...and before I knew it I was too drunk to.  It was time to go.

I went to the bar to close my tab, and was shocked to find that I owed $150.   I looked at the receipt and despite the bar having the dumbest tab system ever (you tell them a # instead of your name) everything checked out.

I was too drunk to be at the bar, and did not need or want another drink.  But the bartender was excited for the $30 tip and he handed me a free shot of Fireball.  I took the shot and after that, blank.

Never had a bar tab so large it had to be ran 2x

When my mind returned I found myself at the Vienna Metro station puking in the grass.  After watching both my $40 Outback bill and my $180 bar tab splatter on the ground in chunks, I grabbed a cab and headed to my parent's house (closest to the metro).

As the cab pulled into the driveway at 2am I realized that I was felted.  I had $0 in my wallet.  I went in the house, saw my mom's purse sitting on the kitchen counter, stole $30, and paid the driver.  The perfect ending to the perfect night.


Thursday, August 8, 2013

Kirk Cousins And Tom Compton "Celebrate"

Here's Tom Compton and Kirk Cousins after Cuz threw a TD to Fred Davis in the preseason game against the Titans.  I think I saw this on Cinemax at 2am once...

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Stephen Colbert's Redskins Offensive Name Joke

On Tuesday night on the Comedy Central political comedy show the Colbert Report, host Stephen Colbert interviewed Maryland Congresswoman Donna Edwards.  Edwards is the congresswoman out where FedEx Field is.  Check out the Colbert joke about the Redskins name.

Saturday, April 27, 2013

RG3 Jumps A Few Times, Does 2 Jumping Jacks, Runs Off Stage

Here's a clip (before it gets deleted) of Rober Griffin III at the Redskins draft party at FedEx field on Saturday afternoon.  The NFL Network had cameras on hand and showed a clip of the injured quarterback taking the stage.

RG3 got the crowd pumped up and chanting his name by doing an exercise that my great grandmother does every morning, jumping jacks.  Robert did a whole 2 of them which of course is an equal comparison to running around the field avoiding 300 pound monsters who are all trying to snap your leg in half.

When his speech was over, RG3 did a quick foot running drill as he headed off stage, also caught on video by a fan.

The Skins are clearly Super Bowl bound!  All in for week 1.  At least of Jazzercize if not football. Videos follow:

Monday, April 15, 2013

RG3 Posing With Hooters Girls Is Fun

Here is a pic via lkygrl17 on Instagram...It's a family QB at a family restaurant.  Robert Griffin III poses with Hooters girls.  This must have been after an autograph show at the Expo Center.

Here's another story about Redskins at Hooters.  It's Dan Snyder and Mike Shanahan enjoying the...wings...

(H/T @RecordsAndRadio)

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Wale And His Redskins Chain Invade NBA All Star Weekend

So Wale was hanging out with Roger Mason and company at the NBA All-Star game in Houston.  He was instagraming a bunch of pics.  He was wearing a bizarre fur coat vest and a Gold Redskins chain. (All photos by @walemmg on instagram)

Monday, January 21, 2013

A Day With My New Best Friend, Alfred Morris

So I want to tell you all about the day I met my best friend...His name is Alfred Morris...

My coworker and I were just minding our business at work and we were informed that Alfred Morris was going to be at the Harris Teeter down the street.  Fred,  as close friends like myself call him, was there promoting his new "Chicken a la Mo" sandwich.

Both my coworker and I were a bit tired after a long night of watching the Redskins whip up on the Giants, but the left over adrenalin from the win and the smell of deli meat lured us into the grocery store.

To say I was nervous was an understatement.  As I stood in the line to meet the rookie star, my palms dripping with sweat, I recited in my head what I would say to him.

"You were great last night"

Now that is something I haven't said in a long long time...at least concerning Washington Redskins players...uh...wait...digging a hole here...let's forget about this whole paragraph.

The guy a few people in front of me also must have been contemplating his own zing all day because he asked the running back, "So...did you drive your old '91 Mazda here?" as he took a horrible picture.  Fred was not impressed as it was most likely the 30th time someone used that line on him that day.  Did you really think that was creative bro?

The next guy up, to the delight of the long line of people, brought his crying son to the event.  As the screaming child approached the Washington Redskin, Fred said, "Uh Oh, Stranger Danger!"  The father/son also took a horrible picture, and finally it was my turn.

All of a sudden I was Ralphie from A Christmas Story, except I was an adult...and I was holding a Mr. Potato Head Doll...and Santa was more of a muscular and stocky football player...and yes, I said I was holding a Mr. Potato Head.

"You were great last night!"

Fred laughed at my Mr. Potato Head and asked where I got it.

Uh oh Fred!  That wasn't in the script!!!!

I mumbled something that was so dumb that I can't even specifically remember what exactly it was.  I immediately decided to get my money back from that improv class I took.

I felt my face paralyze and then there was the flash of the camera.  And then...it happened...


Suddenly my hangover from the previous night’s celebration was gone.  My feet floated off the ground while actually remaining on the ground.  I dunno...it was weird.  I've been a Redskins fan my whole life, but that was the first time I got to meet an actual player and get an autograph.

And I couldn’t have gotten it from a better player and person.  Thank you Fred!